The Dream Reborn

Update: The jewellery stolen belonged to a member of Queen Latifah's entourage and not The Queen as Newsday so sloppily reported. Next blog I'll discuss Trinidad and Tobago's shoddy journalism.

This is just another story adding to the embarrassment I feel for a little country in the Caribbean called, Trinidad and Tobago.

According to Newsday, a Trinidad and Tobago newspaper, Dana Elaine Owens a.k.a. Queen Latifah, the rapper turned actress turned jazz singer has been robbed while vacationing with a "lady friend" on the island of Tobago. According to the article, "The Queen" and her "lady friend" spent Christmas together(I hope this quells the lesbian rumours for good) on the island.

She checked into the resort under the alias, Cynthia Hadden(I guess she thought Tobagonians don't see her on TV and in magazines). On Sunday, a barbecue brunch was organised for the Grammy award winning singer by the resort she was vacationing in. Upon returning to her room at noon, she realised that her US$10,000 bracelet, two gold rings, a gold chain and a silver ring were missing from her luxury villa. She immediately alerted the manager of the resort who summoned 3 security guards(worthless rent-a-cops) to help search for the missing jewellery. The search turned up nothing, so the local police(the local court jesters) were called in. The normal procedure followed. A report was taken from "The Queen", and our lame police force now has her autograph on official documents.

Newsday also said that "The Queen" contacted her friend in Trinidad and told them she was disappointed and was not thrilled by the manner in which the local law enforcement was handling the case.

My Theory On The Heist

I want to pedal back for a few lines. Let's analyse this heist. The Queen has a BBQ brunch thrown for her because she is "The Queen". No other reason at all. The resort just has a soft spot for The Queen. Coincidentally while she was celebrating the surprise brunch thrown in her honour, $10,000+ in jewellery goes missing from her villa. Three security guards who were told to be on heightened alert because The Queen was staying at their resort couldn't locate the missing jewellery. My conclusion to these observations is, a *La Diablesse was walking through the villas and saw some sparkly objects and thought it would look good with her cow hoof so she took it.

Message to The Queen

Queenie(is it okay for me to call you that?), there have been 549 murders in that little country in 2008 alone. Guess how many of them have been solved? About 10, and I'm being generous here. It's probably really 0. If you ever get your jewellery back, which you said is of sentimental value to you, you would be a very lucky woman. If I may speak plainly amongst friends, shit never gets solved in that cesspool. A Swedish couple was slaughtered like Thanksgiving turkeys about a month ago on that very island you are on right now. There have been no arrests and absolutely no clues. It saddens me to know that I was born amongst these animals. I'm in the process of returning my citizenship at the moment. I swear.

Now onto this "The Queen is a lesbian" rumour. Could you just come out and say it already? Busting out of the closet is the thing to be doing at the moment. 2008 was a good year to be gay. Proposition 8 kind of messed it up at the end there but don't let the Mormons rain on your parade(no pun intended). I suggest you jump on the bandwagon now. You don't want to be the last one out of the closet. It would make you look like just another lesbian, when we know you're "The Queen". We already have proof of you spending Christmas on secluded islands with "lady friends". What more do we need? By the way, if Cynthia Hadden is your "lady friend", you certainly shouldn't be keeping her in any closet.

Ladies and especially gentlemen, I give you Cynthia Hadden.



Definitions: ‘La Diablesse’, the devil woman of Trinidad and Tobago folklore, is sometimes personified as an old crone, who steps forth with her cloven hoof from behind a tree on a lonely road, the sound of chains mingling with the rustle of her petticoat.

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Okay, so I was at work last week and I saw 2 things that blew my mind(this happens a lot so get used to it).

Smokers

The first one struck me when I saw my co-worker smoking a cigarette while he was driving. Why aren't there any laws against this in New York? I fail to understand why you can't talk on a cell phone while driving, but you can hold a cigarette in one hand and steer a vehicle with the other, without fear of the police pulling you over. That's not my current grievance with smokers though. What bothered me was when I saw him throw away cigarettes that were extinguished by the wind, instead of just relighting them(Not that I was complaining though; I already had my pack of death sticks for the day via his second hand smoke).

At the moment I'm trying to figure out who came up with the theory that states "smoking new cigarettes instead of half-smoked cigarettes is better for your health". Ever since I was younger, I've realised that many smokers that I've been exposed to, tend to throw out cigarettes that have been smoked halfway and immediately start puffing on a new one. These people ranged from the poor to the middle class, yet when asked why they do this, they all had the same answer, "it's not good for your health". Further questioning into that answer gave me long blank stares and some mentions of cancer. I could have even investigated further and question the "cancer" answer a little further but I thought it was fairly obvious by now that these people lived in LaLa Land and they would say anything to protect their beloved cancer sticks.

Well, since it was useless to even ask these nicotine addicts about the dangers of smoking a relit cigarette, I took it upon myself to do some research. Here is what I found out.

There is actually another reason why smokers don't smoke relit cigarettes! According to SmokeFresh.com, which sells "a smoke reduction tool", nicotine addicts want to "...relight a cigarette and still enjoy the same freshness of a new cigarette because relit cigarettes tasted stale..." So there is fresh smoke and then there is stale smoke. Take note kids!

There are also scientific studies which claim that relit cigarettes may cause severe bronchitis. I wonder how much worse it is from regular bronchitis. And which one is it, that gives you 2 or more weeks of coughing that could eventually cause you to pass out?

How To Not Get Drunk?(Alcoholics Edition)

Now onto alcoholics, my favourite people. Not only are these folks dumb, but they are also funnier than their smoking brethren when heavily liquored up(in other words, always).

This portion of the blog also originated from a practice I saw my co-workers partaking in. I know what you're thinking, "TheDreamReborn works with degenerates and he is an angel". You are correct. A lunch break at my job mostly involves the consumption of liquor. I'm usually the only outcast actually chewing during the lunch break. Everybody else "knocks back" a few beers.

Last week, while I was cleaning up my work area, I realised that there were beer bottles hidden between the tables with small amounts of beer in each so I assumed that they were forgotten in their hiding spots because the boss passed by while they were being consumed. The next day though, I saw one of my co-workers emptying the remaining 1/8 of his beer into the sink, before disposing of the bottle, so I asked him what was the reason for such wasteful behaviour. In what I took as an obvious attempt to blow my mind he said, "that's the part of the beer that gets you drunk". I gave his response a few seconds to sink in and before I could ask if he was joking or not, he was already guzzling down his second beer which he also disposed the last 1/8 of.

I tried to find some information online regarding this new theory but it seems that this one is an isolated case. I've seen everything from wine tasting to "pouring out a little liquor for the homies", but this was the first time that I've ever witnessed this method of wastefully disposing of an alcoholic beverage.

If you have any more health tips revered by smokers and alcoholics, please feel free to share them in the comments section below.

Disclosure: I'm not a smoker nor an alcoholic. I once attempted to smoke something that Trinis call "hemp"(don't think that's the right name but whatever it is, it's legal), and that solidified my stance on remaining smoke free. Having my family history checkered with death caused by cancer also was a strong deterrence. I'm just under 21 so legally speaking, I don't have a drinking history.

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Today is Christmas and to me it feels like just a regular day. I lost my holiday spirit back in 2003 when I moved to New York. In 2006 I felt a hint of the old holiday spirit seeping back into my body only to have it snuffed out with the murder of my close friend a few days before Christmas day. Maybe it's because I expect perfection at this time of year that all the imperfections shine through so brightly. Maybe I expect too much from the world.

New Year's resolutions? I never really have any, because I expect everything to fail when I set my mind to it because I have a history of "overthinking" and making "a science project out of everything". This year though, I have one resolution; to finally be able again, to say that I am from Trinidad and Tobago and I am proud of it. Just like my Christmas spirit, my national pride has been M.I.A. since 2003.

I just skimmed through a Trinidad & Tobago news website and read about a grandmother who was mauled to death by her own dogs. Dogs that she had, to protect her and her family from thieves and murderers trying to get on her property. The reasons stories like this pop out at me is because they didn't have to happen. The current murder toll in Trinidad & Tobago right now is a record 542. The country's population barely exceeds 1 million people so this is extremely high. We have teenagers raiding house parties and holding people up at gunpoint to make a living, and since life has no value to these people, they pull the trigger even if they get what they came for. This is not the Trinidad & Tobago I remember growing up in and is certainly not a place I would like to visit.

Another New Years resolution I have, which should probably be added to the previous one, is for Trinidadians and Tobagonians to start using their brains. I have come across way too many of my people on social networking websites and in real life who are only concerned with partying their lives away. I've also come across way too many of my people who criticise me for criticising the nonsense taking place in our country. I hope that the New Year will also bring maturity to these people. I could only hope. The rest is up to them.

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It's been a while since I seriously replied to comments on my YouTube videos, so I decided to skim through the hundreds of new comments I accumulated over the past 4 months. While doing so, I came across one of the most ludicrous videos circulating on the internet. A video of an armed robbery in progress with people in the background laughing while a man gets shot and lays on the floor bleeding. At first, I didn't want to believe this video was real. It seemed like a video from TheOnion.com Check out the video for yourself below. WARNING! The victim was shot in the video.

Upon researching the story further I realised that this incident was unfortunately real and somewhat common in Baltimore where this took place. As many commenters on the Baltimore Examiner website said, this shouldn't be a surprise to people who live in these types of areas.

A few years ago I witnessed the same absurd behavior from a young girl when I was nearly robbed returning home from school in Brooklyn. I stepped off a B46 bus running along Utica Ave., not too far from where an on duty bus driver was fatally stabbed a few weeks ago in broad daylight. As soon as the soles of my shoes hit the ground, there they were; 5 young black men, my age and younger gathering around me and picking at my pockets like hawks surveying their next meal. Fortunately I was able to step back on the bus and take the longer route home. While I was on the bus I got evil stares from nearly everyone around me who witnessed what had just taken place, especially a young girl whom I believe knew the boys I had just dodged. I started feeling as though I was wrong for avoiding the obvious threat to my safety.

I did a video a few months ago which I titled "I Am Embarrassed By Black People". This situation just cements those feelings. No one should have to live in fear of these thugs and it's sad to see that the youth of today have become so desensitised to this ludicrous behavior. Sad to say, but it could only get worst from here on. All we can do now is take care of our own. The rest are lost souls stuck in their ways. Nobody can help them, but them.

Link to the original story(Yes, there's more): Baltimore Examiner

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Camp For Sneakers

T'was 8a.m. in New York City,
with a snowstorm on the horizon.
People in suits and ties,
rushing to their desks in the sky.
In the distance I see,
4 NEGROES huddled like bums camping outside the motherfucking NBA store waiting in line for days to buy the new "rare" pair of Jordans that are probably as ugly as the previous one!!!

I guess the saying is true.

"All Negroes do are eat, sleep, shit and buy ugly $300+ sneakers." -Dream

Ladies Trying To Be Sexy Despite The Weather

I met a woman on the elevator on her way out of the building I was delivering to, wearing a jacket exposing her cleavage as though it was the middle of a heat wave in the summer. I guess she couldn't feel the snow and cold air pummelling her breasts since they were made of silicone(Yes, I had a good look at them and so did the 2 guys with her). And to top off this WTF! moment, she was upset because she dropped one of her gloves upstairs when she was getting on the elevator. She could keep her hands warm but the silicone on her chest could freeze in hell for all she cares.

I also ran into some women who thought wearing snow boots with short skirts in the middle of the season's first snow storm was sexy. Not!!! Just retarded.

Umbrellas In A Snowstorm

Well maybe it's because I grew up in a tropical country, but for my first 6 winters in NY, I have yet to find a reason to use an umbrella in a snowstorm. Could someone please give me a reason to do such a thing? I feel left out when I see all those umbrella wielding New Yorkers trying to remove my eyes and the eyes of other anti-umbrella pedestrians such as myself.

I could sort of see why a woman may need an umbrella to stop the snow from falling in her hair, but I just can't wrap my mind around a reason for men(some with hats) to use them.

J-Walk

I swear everybody wanted to run across the street without looking, which caused us to nearly roll over 2 women and man. Icy roads people, ICY ROADS!!!

5 Things...

I swear I had 5 items for this list. I'll update it when I remember the fifth. Or you could leave a suggestion for the fifth in the comments section.

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I don't care how you feel about this man and his time as President, you have to admit he ducked that pair of shoes like a pro. And not only did he duck, he didn't run. He brushed off the guy running to protect him and stood up tall to his attacker and watched him square in the eye, while forming his trademark smile. A lesser man would be laying in a hospital bed right now, with "Timberland" embedded into his forehead.

I'm going to miss this guy. My only wish for Christmas is that we get to keep him in the white house until the summer of 2009 at least. I think the economy could handle him for about 6-8 more months. Obama could wait!!! :D

Update: Just thought about something. If I were a reporter I would ask Obama at his next press conference, "So what did you think about the events that transpired in Iraq during President Bush's press conference with Prime Minister Maliki?" I doubt he would be able to contain himself. If he doesn't at least laugh out loud, he has NO heart, much less a sense of humour.

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